i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
