You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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