I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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