Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
