Please, let me fuck your mom
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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