Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize