Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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