I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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