wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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