he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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