blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
