I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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