just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
