I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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