He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
