He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
