Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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