she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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