If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
