I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
