There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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