My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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