found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize