only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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