I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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