That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
