This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
