New invention idea: vibrating tampons
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were trust falling into bushes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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