Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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