Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
