While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
