she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
