So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
