That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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