My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
