so explain again why im purple
no
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
