I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just had sex on a roof
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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