it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
