I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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