too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
