i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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