She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
