just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize