I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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