ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
