So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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