its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
