Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is my gift to your gina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
