Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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