I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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