Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
