I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
