I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
