i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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