If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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