I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
