You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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