my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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