I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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