she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
