Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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