Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
