the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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