all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
