lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
