There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
