She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
