my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
