I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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